my inspiration

january 9 2018

i've been drafting up a post that i hope women will find helpful. it will be titled something along the lines of 'what to expect when you miscarry'. there's already dozens of things i've experienced in losing you that are so notable to write down and share, but i wanted to reach out to more women to get their experiences as well. it was overwhelming the response that i got. which just reassured me that a post like what i'm working on is so very necessary. it also is another reminder of how alone mother's feel in this when they shouldn't. 

because i've spoken about losing you-because i've shared my story-i haven't felt alone. i am so very thankful for that, but so sad at the same time. it shocks me every day, the amount of women who have lost their baby and have talked about it. but it's nothing compared to the women who have lost their baby and haven't talked about it. and that's okay, not every one needs to or has to. but so many mother's feel they can't or shouldn't and i am hoping that my letters to you can lessen the burden they carry; a burden that, no doubt, fell into place the moment they stopped carrying their baby. 

i've been told that i am an inspiration for being so open and honest about this; i guess you could say that is (one of) my goals in sharing my journey. but really i find so much inspiration in you, hazel. you have given me an opportunity to change the face of pregnancy loss. you have given me the opportunity to be an inspiration to others. you have given me a new meaning of life and the things we take for granted daily. you've inspired me. your inspiration, of course, does not come without extreme heartache. but sometimes the most inspirational and beautiful things come from the darkest and messiest of places. 

i really have to humble myself though because these women who have shared their deepest sadness with me have also inspired me aside from you. they have become a glimmer of hope in a dark time. their strength to press on and their ability to not drown in their sorrow (even though it feels like we're drowning daily in the absence of our angel babies) have really shown me that i will be okay. that i am okay. because it is okay. and they help me see the simple things.

like that the stars can't shine without darkness. and that i simply just love you.