national pregnancy and infant loss day

october 15, 2017 it's been almost a year since i woke up thinking i'd get another day to grow you only to find that your heart had stopped beating and you were already leaving my body. it really doesn't get any easier as the days and months pass. it hurts and i miss you. and today is a day that brings up so many emotions and that welling feeling in me that i have to wait a very long forever to hold you in my arms. today is national pregnancy...

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bereaved parents month

this month is bereaved parents month. we honor our loss, hazel mae, this month, as well as all of those precious babies and children gone much too soon. there is an emptiness inside that only we can understand and i hope you know, you are not alone. and please remember... even if you never got to carry your baby in your arms and only in your hearts, you are still a mother and father. (feel free to save this image by right clicking on it and...

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on the day you were (to be) born

july 6, 2018 today i would have been holding you. we would have gotten up extra early to gather our hospital bags and make sure we had everything we needed. your big brothers would be sleeping softly at nana's house, waking up to a text and photo from us of your sweet little face, and they'd jump for joy and shout your name. we would have been driving to the hospital, anxious and nervous, but mostly ecstatic to meet you. once there, we would check...

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this week is going to be particularly hard for us. this week we would have been finishing up a nursery. i would have been sitting in there folding and refolding baby clothes. i would have been making padscicles and making sure my hospital bag was packed. we would have been going over our birth plan with the doctor and making sure he knew what we needed. we would have been prepping freezer meals and finalizing plans of where the boys would stay...

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your pink hair

january 23, 2018 it's been over two months. i still miss you. some days i don't even (consciously) think about you and then when i realize i haven't, i start to feel guilty. it's kind of silly, really, to feel that way, but i do. some days i don't think about your sister or brother oliver when they're with their dad and that's okay. but i think i feel guilty with you because you're no longer with us and i should be thinking about you all the time....

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my inspiration

january 9 2018 i've been drafting up a post that i hope women will find helpful. it will be titled something along the lines of 'what to expect when you miscarry'. there's already dozens of things i've experienced in losing you that are so notable to write down and share, but i wanted to reach out to more women to get their experiences as well. it was overwhelming the response that i got. which just reassured me that a post like what i'm working...

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one month without you

december 16, 2017 it has been one month since you have left us. you would have been 10 weeks and the size of a strawberry. your vital organs would be developed fully and your fingernails and hair coming in too. i wonder what color hair you would have had. red like your brothers? blonde like your big sissy? you would weigh about 14 ounces; the same weight as the ring sling i would have carried you in. i might have even been able to feel you...

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my miscarriage-an open letter to my unborn baby hazel mae

november 23, 2017 i woke up this morning with a hole in me. it has been one week since you stopped growing and i feel as though this hole is getting bigger, deeper. right now you would be developing hundreds of brain cells a minute and your heart would be getting stronger and stronger as well. your nervous system and digestive system, all on it's way to being fully developed. you'd be about the size of a blueberry; i love blueberries. but this...

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